Dear Diary
It is my first time and probably the last I write to you, this is not my
style, I am a township boy and writing into a diary is something done by children who grew and live in suburbs, not
townships. I am only writing this because my teacher will check it tomorrow and
will probably give me a hiding if it turns out I did not write. If I do not
finish writing into this diary I will not go to school tomorrow, and the day
after tomorrow, I will drop out of school and go find a job and later on I will
buy my mother a beautiful house far away from my father, the monster.
I do not like my father, he is a monster, a beast, he always beats my
mother for no reason. Today was I was leaving for school, I left my mother in
tears, she said she wants to live, and she will live us with my father because
she does not know where she will live us, I told her that she can not live us,
my father might rape my sister if my mother goes, I
begged her to stay. I was
not in a good mood today, I banked all the classes with Pule. We spend the
whole day singing struggle songs of comrades, played spinning and hit on grade
7 girls, we also beat this boy from grade 7, not that I am proud of it, but at
least we taught someone a lesson. That Experience was bad and fun, at the same
time! No one calls me and Pule losers will ever escape our wrath, we are not losers.
This boy went on and reported us to Miss Mabaso, she called me and Pule into
her office, she did not give us a hiding, she said that we should write a diary
entry about anything and bring it to her first thing tomorrow morning. When the
school knocked off, me and Pule were the first to get out of the school
premises, we gathered with other boys and sang our way back home, my mother was
alone in our shack, she prepared me soft porridge with rama, she gave my sister
the same food when she got back from school.
After eating, I went to play soccer with my friends, the team that I was
on lost, and we became angry and fought with the other team, I hit the boy from
next door with a brick on his mouth, two of his teeth came out. I got scared
and I run home, got in our shack and slept next to the bed, I did not tell my
mother and sister what was going on. Just an hour ago, the father of the boy I
hit were here, he met with my father outside and told him what I did to his
son, my father apologised to him and told the father of the boy I hit that he
will discipline me, when he came back, he shouted at me, he called me a stupid
boy, stupid just like my mother, he said he doubts that I am his son, if I am
then truly I am a form of punishment to him. My mother said nothing, my sister
was crying and I told her not to cry, everything is going to be okay. My father
walked out, he said he will not sleep with us, he was taking a break from us.
What a relief, I am going to eat now, after that I will go to sleep.
I will forget about today, My Pain Will go away and I am going to have
happy dreams. Bye.
Dear Diary
My teacher said she loves what I wrote hear yesterday, she said I am a
very good boy, something tells me that she is lying to me, but nevertheless I
am happy she said I am a good boy. Pule did not write anything, and he did not come to class either, he said this thing is
for gays and he is not a guy, he said Ms Mabaso wanted to humiliate us and he
was not ready for that. After attending Ms Mathebula’s class I went to sit with
Pule at our usual spot, he had something as usual on his hand, it was a roll
with something brownish inside, he called it Ntsango and said that it made him
fill good and forget about all the bad things in his life. He asked me to try
it, so I did. We lit the thing and he demonstrated to me how to smoke it, he
passed it to me and I smoked, “slugged” and exhaled, I did it only 3 times. A
few minutes after I did not feel myself, I did not feel my legs,hands,and head,
my head was free and I felt my body cooling off. Pule just looked at me and
laughed the whole time, the next thing I know everything went black and when I
opened my eyes Pule was standing up and told me we must go home. I thought it
was after school so I followed him, we went to the school fence and he told me
to skip it, I couldn’t really think straight, I did what he said, the next
thing you know we are out of the school premises. We took our back and walked a
long distance to a squatter camp, and knocked on a shack with a black green and
gold painted door, the door was open by a guy wearing soulja uniform, he called
me and Pule comrades and said welcome. We set on the couch, the guy asked Pule
my name and Pule told Him, he then said welcome comrade Kalushi Moloi, we spent
about 3 hours listening to him talk about a time called apartheid, he told us
about people who fought against it, how much we must respect them, he told us
that Nelson Mandela was a sell out, that we must not respect him, he told us
that he was a member of Self Defence Unit, and he did there, what is a comrade
and told us lots of things and that me, him, and Pule are also comrades, just
like Solomon “Kalushi” Mahlongo, and that we must fight for our freedom in our
own spaces. I do not know when did I fall asleep, I was waken up with a deep
“Amandla”! Comrade Sam gave Comrade Pule that roll we smoked at school. We walked
back home and Pule smoked that roll alone, I wanted to smoke too, I felt my
head spinning but nothing big. We walked and arrived where I live, Pule went
where he live.
When I got in my shack, I found my mother crying, I asked her why she is
crying and she told me that Ms Maphanga was here, Ms Maphanga told my mother
that I went out of the school before the school knocked off! My mother said she
does not want me to be like her, she said I must have a better life and banking
school wont give me a better life, it will give me the opposite. I told her not
to worry, I will start taking school seriously, she then looked me inside my
eyes and asked if that’s a promise, I failed to answer that. My mother cooked
nothing, no porridge, nothing. I went to play with my friends but I couldn’t
play because I was hungry, I then walked to comrade Pule’s house and he was
exited to see me when I got there. His mother prepared him food, pap and meat
and we ate at the dining room. I saw his father on a souljas uniform on a
framed picture hanging on the wall and I also saw a Black,Green,And Gold flag
standing on top of the TV, asked Pule what was that and he said its an ANC
Flag, the oldest liberation Movement. After eating we listened to a cd of the
struggle songs, practised them because “we have to sing them” tomorrow. After
that I came back home and found my mother and father arguing about food, my
father shouted at my mother, saying that she is a useless whore, my mother
responded by asking where is she supposed to get food when my father does not
provide anything for food, my father responded by slapping my mother on the
face with a hot clap, he then punched her on the face, tripped he and when she
fall down he continuously kicked her on the stomach while calling her horrible names,
he kicked her about 7 times, and she bled. Me and my sister were hugging each
other crying on the corner of the shack, clueless of what we can do, my father
went out after beating my mother and we told our mother that its time we live,
she said there is nowhere to go, we told her to call the police but she
refused. I then called the police, they came and we told them what happened,
they found my dad at the tavern 3 houses away from our shack and took him with
them. I doubt we are going to sleep today, me and my sister must watch out for
our mother. Bye.
Dear Diary
I did not want to go to school today, my mother forced me to go, she
said because I am a boy, my sister will stay behind and look after her because
she is a girl and girls know how to nurse wounds, clean and cook. I went to
school angry, when I got to Mis Maphanga’s class she called me to her office
and asked me what was wrong at my home, I told her nothing is wrong and she
said I am lying something is wrong and she will come and check what is it that
is happening at my home. I got angry and shouted at her that if she come she
will have my father to deal with. I stormed out of her class and went around
the school looking for Pule, I shouted his name, went in both girls and boys
toilets, but couldn’t find him. I went to sit at our usual spot, and thought
about what happened yesterday and today, I thought about freedom and life
outside of a shack and poverty, while i was thinking I remembered comrade Sam,
I thought that the right parson to learn freedom from was comrade Sam so I
decide to go to him, I skipped the schools fence and went to comrades Sam’s
Shack, when I go there I had many voices and loud struggle songs, I knocked
about 3 times and the 3rd time comrade Sam opened the door, he
smiled when he saw me and said Oh its our new Comrade Kalushi as he motioned me
inside the shack. There shack was full of people, about ten boys excluding me,
Comrade Sam, and Comrade Pule, there were 15 girls in total, comrade Sam
introduced me to everyone and I shook their hands as comrade Sam was
introducing, I asked Pule what was he doing there and he told me that they are
planning a match against the current
60% pass mark for high school leaners, i
asked why did he come here instead of school and he told me he decided to drop
out of school and focus on what is important, getting freedom. There was
alcohol on the floor, many kinds, everyone was drinking and smoking that roll
known as ntsango. Comrade Sam was doing most of the talking, he told them why
the march is important, he said that an African child cannot be expected to
pass with 60+ in a white man education system, he said that this was an idea of
whites to make African children fail higher education, he said this must be
stopped because it is a threat to our freedom, economic freedom. He then ended
his long talk with “Amandla!” and everyone said “Awethu”. Then after that this
comrades sang struggle songs while drinking,smoking,kissing and doing all
surprising things, comrade Pule was on the action too, I was now with a girl
named Palesa, she offered me alcohol I refused, she offered me the Roll and I
accepted it, I smoked, we smoked, she ended up kissing me and I couldn’t refuse,
she touched my privet part and rubbed while kissing me, the next thing she
opened my zip and my penis was hard, she took it out of my pants with her hand
and she put it under her skirt, I felt my penis going into something warm, it
went in, she put it and started going up and down with her waist, I knew then
that I was engaging in a sexual activity, with a grade 11 girl, who is a member
of cosas. This was my first time but it felt good. I passed out on her, and
when I woke up she was not there, it was 6pm and nobody was in the shack. I
went out and walked home and when I got home I found my father siting on the
bed smoking, my mother and sister were not here and I did not bother asking my
father, I just went next to the table and tried to sleep. After a while my mother
and sister came in and asked my father if I have not yet came in, he said to
the “here is this nincompoop” pointing where I was lying. They asked if I am
okay and I responded by asking what my father was doing here. They did not
answer, I got angry and my mother asked me to sleep, I thought I start by
writing what happened today here before I sleep, it is not easy because I am
angry but I write because writing makes me feel better, I am going to sleep now
and tomorrow I am starting a new life, it is time to fight for my freedom, my
mothers and sisters freedom, there is no one who can give you freedom you need
to fight for it. Bye.
